- Published on
I don't get nervous. I try not to get excited. I am not used to 'good things' happening to me. I am superstitious. Will I jinx myself? What if this is all a dream? So many dreams die in the womb of imagination, never quickening into existence.
It's closer, getting closer, and yet I still can't feel it in my grasp. When is it okay to feel it? When is it okay to say it aloud? Am I an imposter? I feel safe in the liminal. I feel content in the drift of never knowing, letting the rip tide of the mundane soak me through, never letting up.
But the mundane is so safe for so long. So calm for so long.
And then it begins.
And how will I handle it?
It's closer, getting closer, and yet I still can't feel it in my grasp. When is it okay to feel it? When is it okay to say it aloud? Am I an imposter? I feel safe in the liminal. I feel content in the drift of never knowing, letting the rip tide of the mundane soak me through, never letting up.
But the mundane is so safe for so long. So calm for so long.
And then it begins.
And how will I handle it?
- Published on
September is orange, pumpkin orange, or is orange the fruit the same color as pumpkin.
Either way, I know September is a transitional month. Before the bright days become dark nights. September is pumpkin colored but October as dawn blue, and winter is misty black-- my favorite season.
I did started autumn shopping yesterday. On the weekend I will gather my acorns and oak (around the neighbor), for my home décor and potpourri.
Autumn is also soup season--squash, mannish water, and fish.
Last Hallow's Eve no children came and I had to donate the candy out of fear I'd eat it all.
Autumn spices: cinnamon, clove, parsley, and cedarwood, nutmeg, rosemary, ginger, orange slices.
Either way, I know September is a transitional month. Before the bright days become dark nights. September is pumpkin colored but October as dawn blue, and winter is misty black-- my favorite season.
I did started autumn shopping yesterday. On the weekend I will gather my acorns and oak (around the neighbor), for my home décor and potpourri.
Autumn is also soup season--squash, mannish water, and fish.
Last Hallow's Eve no children came and I had to donate the candy out of fear I'd eat it all.
Autumn spices: cinnamon, clove, parsley, and cedarwood, nutmeg, rosemary, ginger, orange slices.
- Published on
I discovered reaction channels during the pandemic. These are channels where newbies to a series watch the series for the first time, and you, the oldie, watch along with them, relishing their reaction to your favorite series, plot twists and discoveries.
Long live vicarious nostalgia.
It's something that comes with age. Wishing you were discovering old loves anew.
Sometimes wonder if it would be better to be a teenager today or back in the 2000s-2010s.
In a way, older millennials (b. pre-1990) are the last generation to experience a childhood away from the Internet.
That's always a bonus.
We're in late stage captalism. Millennials (and especially zoomers) are the children at the end of history. We've peaked as a civilization, and the culture is being decontructed and folded inward, which means nothing is new, exciting, and original anymore. Everything is rehashed and rebooted, and stale.
But the zoomers, and especially Gen Alpha, can create a new world from the ashes of the old-- god help us with these cyborg children and their obsession with hyperreality.
In the meantime, I like seeing these younger people find value in old things.
Read my article: hyperreality and cyborg children
Long live vicarious nostalgia.
It's something that comes with age. Wishing you were discovering old loves anew.
Sometimes wonder if it would be better to be a teenager today or back in the 2000s-2010s.
In a way, older millennials (b. pre-1990) are the last generation to experience a childhood away from the Internet.
That's always a bonus.
We're in late stage captalism. Millennials (and especially zoomers) are the children at the end of history. We've peaked as a civilization, and the culture is being decontructed and folded inward, which means nothing is new, exciting, and original anymore. Everything is rehashed and rebooted, and stale.
But the zoomers, and especially Gen Alpha, can create a new world from the ashes of the old-- god help us with these cyborg children and their obsession with hyperreality.
In the meantime, I like seeing these younger people find value in old things.
Read my article: hyperreality and cyborg children
- Published on
Watching the Olympics and protesting the Olympics at the same time.
It's weird hanging on to youth or pleasure, because the things that once brought you pleasure can so easily slip from your care.
Few things interest me.
It's a fight.
Struggling to write, struggling to sleep, struggling to eat.
This isn't a cry for help but direction.
I understand deja vu --I have been here before --day in and day out.
The sameness, the lameness, the aimless.
When will it rain?
It's weird hanging on to youth or pleasure, because the things that once brought you pleasure can so easily slip from your care.
Few things interest me.
It's a fight.
Struggling to write, struggling to sleep, struggling to eat.
This isn't a cry for help but direction.
I understand deja vu --I have been here before --day in and day out.
The sameness, the lameness, the aimless.
When will it rain?
- Published on
The world of food is an exotic mysterious space. It's worldbuilding.
Coconut Cheesecake recipe . P.S. all my ingredients are lactose-free.
Crush coconut cookies and mix with butter. In separate bowl: mix other ingredients.
Set the cookie-base in an appropriate dish or baking pan. Spead the cocunut cream mixture over the base. Add extra coconut flakes if needed. If using white chocolate, melt it, let it cool a bit, and then pour it over the surface of the cake.
Put the cake in the fridge for 2 hours.
Remove and serve.
Coconut Cheesecake recipe . P.S. all my ingredients are lactose-free.
- Coconut cookies as base (Dare 'breaktime' brand is good). 1 or 2 boxes.
- Unsalted butter (lactose-free) - 1/2 brick
- Cream cheese (lactose-free) - 2 tubs
- Plain yogurt (lactose-free) - 1/3 cup
- White chocolate (or condensed milk or white sugar) - as much as you like (may need to control for sweetness).
- Coconut flakes (1 cup)
Crush coconut cookies and mix with butter. In separate bowl: mix other ingredients.
Set the cookie-base in an appropriate dish or baking pan. Spead the cocunut cream mixture over the base. Add extra coconut flakes if needed. If using white chocolate, melt it, let it cool a bit, and then pour it over the surface of the cake.
Put the cake in the fridge for 2 hours.
Remove and serve.
- Published on
Okay, I am a mess. I've been trying to practice Lagom, a Swedish word that is a fancier way of saying, minimalism--doing just about what is required but not going above or beyond.
I've been failing in every aspect, but still want to keep on trekiking.
I'm stubborn that way.
I'm obsessed with cleaning up my footprints--the real world, the Internet. I
Getting a book published, albeit by a small press means I have dusted off my lagom ways in favor of putting myself out there, and revisiting the past, which means this blog.
Some of what I have blogged in the past aren't too embarrassing, so I'm keeping them. You can see the evolution of my thoughts and beliefs through the brief life of this blog. The only constant is my heterodoxy.
This blog is back, but like most things in my life, I will struggle to maintain it. I tried Youtubing for a while but am not very good at it. I tried podcasting for a while but am not good at it either (face and voice issues, respectively).
Writing has always been my strength, so may that carry me forward. Can't and won't promise consistency, because, you know, energy and time. This is freewheeling--whatever that means.
Anyway, I'm here, Scapers!
P.S. What prompted this remergence or resurgence is not simply my resurrected website, but going down the rabbithole in search of the title of a magical realism novel I read years ago--and I kid you not, as I'm typing this, the title just came to me--The Elementals by Francesca Lia Block. Ha!
Welcome to the Ebonscape!
I've been failing in every aspect, but still want to keep on trekiking.
I'm stubborn that way.
I'm obsessed with cleaning up my footprints--the real world, the Internet. I
Getting a book published, albeit by a small press means I have dusted off my lagom ways in favor of putting myself out there, and revisiting the past, which means this blog.
Some of what I have blogged in the past aren't too embarrassing, so I'm keeping them. You can see the evolution of my thoughts and beliefs through the brief life of this blog. The only constant is my heterodoxy.
This blog is back, but like most things in my life, I will struggle to maintain it. I tried Youtubing for a while but am not very good at it. I tried podcasting for a while but am not good at it either (face and voice issues, respectively).
Writing has always been my strength, so may that carry me forward. Can't and won't promise consistency, because, you know, energy and time. This is freewheeling--whatever that means.
Anyway, I'm here, Scapers!
P.S. What prompted this remergence or resurgence is not simply my resurrected website, but going down the rabbithole in search of the title of a magical realism novel I read years ago--and I kid you not, as I'm typing this, the title just came to me--The Elementals by Francesca Lia Block. Ha!
Welcome to the Ebonscape!
- Published on
Melancholy
cold winter days
heavy workload
aloneness and loneliness
boredom and anxiety
the ruin and the undoing of care
cold winter days
heavy workload
aloneness and loneliness
boredom and anxiety
the ruin and the undoing of care
- Published on
It's cold here now. March and April felt so long, but everything else ran by so quickly.
Now it's December, and it's time to look back. Some of these series have been around a while, but I only got around to watching this year (who knew what free time could do).
Here are my Favorite Series 2020:
The Boys
- Broken superheroes and the equally broken vigilantes trying to expose and take them down.
Streaming: HBO/ Crave Canada
I May Destroy You
- Michaela Coel has something that makes her the perfect storyteller for black millennials who don't quite fit into the stereotype. In I May Destroy You, Coel plays Arabella, a young woman searching for the truth after a brutal assault turns her world upside down.
Streaming: HBO/ Crave Canada
Raised by Wolves
- Humans try to colonize an alien planet after fleeing near future earth, deep in the grip of a religious war that may be the result of an alien god called Sol. Lots of mysteries going on here. This one is co-produced by Ridley Scott. Streaming: HBO/ Crave Canada
Tales from the Loop
-A collection of strange stories about people in a town that has an alien device known as an eclipse, which leads to everything from time loops to body switching. Streaming: Amazon Prime
Castle Rock
- Sadly canceled, but an anthology series based on the worlds/novels of Stephen King.
Streaming: HBO/Crave Canada
His Dark Materials
- Based on Phillip Pullman's trilogy about a young prophesied girl in an alternate world where people have daemons (external sapient souls that take the forms of animals).
Streaming: HBO/ Crave Canada
The Expanse
- Finally gotten around to watching this near future series about the politics that follow humans after they have colonized nearby planets.
Streaming: Amazon Prime
Star Trek: lower decks
- From the co-creator of Rick & Morty comes an animated comedy that centers the exploits of low-ranked crewmembers in the world of Star Trek.
Streaming: HBO/Crave Canada
Lovecraft Country
This is a little more controversial. It fits more into my gripe about "black trauma" cast under the umbrella of speculative fiction. It's also not very Lovecraft.
Streaming: HBO/Crave Canada
Upload - a cross between The Good Place and the Black Mirror episode, San Junipero. The afterlife goes digital. Streaming: Amazon Prime
Trickster - based on a FANTASY trilogy by Eden Robinson, Trickster follows teen Jared who discovers he is the son of a Trickster/shapeshifter. When his Trickster dad returns to his life, Jared and his mom become wary of his motives and baggage.
Available on CBC Gem app.
- Published on
This is my favorite time of the year and my worst time of the year (for maternal reasons).
I like the dark, cozy mood of fall.
Autumn leaves, pumpkin everything and spices.
I love boots and sweaters.
I have been struggling to make my own pumpkin spice drinks. It doesn't taste like the ones you buy in the cafes, but then again, those aren't made of pumpkins (just spices).
My mood goes up and then goes down.
I like the dark, cozy mood of fall.
Autumn leaves, pumpkin everything and spices.
I love boots and sweaters.
I have been struggling to make my own pumpkin spice drinks. It doesn't taste like the ones you buy in the cafes, but then again, those aren't made of pumpkins (just spices).
My mood goes up and then goes down.
- Published on
There's a certain thing that happens once you hit 30, maybe 40, 50, and 60, too. I don't know because I am not there yet.
But, around 30 I started looking at my life and wondering aloud (and concluding) if I have made the best of it.
This is especially true when you start seeing people younger or around the same age as you who're doing very well, at the very least, living their best professional and persona life.
Dark Matter by Blake Crouch is such a story. It's about a man named Jason who thinks he's settled, and who, like many of us, is stuck on what could've been.
One day he's kidnapped and expelled from his life and world. This was not what he expected.
But, around 30 I started looking at my life and wondering aloud (and concluding) if I have made the best of it.
This is especially true when you start seeing people younger or around the same age as you who're doing very well, at the very least, living their best professional and persona life.
Dark Matter by Blake Crouch is such a story. It's about a man named Jason who thinks he's settled, and who, like many of us, is stuck on what could've been.
One day he's kidnapped and expelled from his life and world. This was not what he expected.