- Published on
It's a state I long for--all my life I wanted it. Stability of mind, body, soul and place.
I hate moving. I hate changing. I lust and long for comfort.
I gave my self anxiety attacks over my fear of being forced to leave.
So I have a new place and I'm hesitating to fill it with things. My fear hasn't left me. I might be forced to leave. What if I am expected to leave tomorrow, next week, next month, six months from now, next year, or so forth.
My logic works like that ... minimalism in a world of uncertainty. I fantasize about not having too many things, about being able to walk away confidently from everything.
I like things, but don't like acquiring them. Why am I accumulating things? I need to get rid of things. Things equal permanence, attachment, stability. I want fewer things but keep acquiring more. I wake up and think, I should get rid of stuff, but then I wake up and think, I should get this. I am restless. I return things to stores and I feel good, but then I buy more things and I feel guilty.
Permanence is a fantasy and a dream I fear might be too costly to invest in.
The old adage is that as you get older you need stability and permanence. I feel more restless, and do not want a bond to the world and its machinations. I don't know if I'll ever not have these feelings.
Funnily, until a month ago I had nothing except clothes, shoes and some minor household items. Now, I have far more. A bed, televisions, furniture and a townhouse. I have complicated my life more than I needed to.
I keep thinking about that abandoned house on the web. It has all its furniture and even a car in the garage. The theory is that the couple that once owned it died suddenly. And no one claimed it, after. It exists, trapped in its 1970s decor, slowly succumbing to the entropy that decays all things in time.
The arguments for and against permanence are strong, either way. I could die today or live for the next sixty years. So, I guess I am forever restless.
I hate moving. I hate changing. I lust and long for comfort.
I gave my self anxiety attacks over my fear of being forced to leave.
So I have a new place and I'm hesitating to fill it with things. My fear hasn't left me. I might be forced to leave. What if I am expected to leave tomorrow, next week, next month, six months from now, next year, or so forth.
My logic works like that ... minimalism in a world of uncertainty. I fantasize about not having too many things, about being able to walk away confidently from everything.
I like things, but don't like acquiring them. Why am I accumulating things? I need to get rid of things. Things equal permanence, attachment, stability. I want fewer things but keep acquiring more. I wake up and think, I should get rid of stuff, but then I wake up and think, I should get this. I am restless. I return things to stores and I feel good, but then I buy more things and I feel guilty.
Permanence is a fantasy and a dream I fear might be too costly to invest in.
The old adage is that as you get older you need stability and permanence. I feel more restless, and do not want a bond to the world and its machinations. I don't know if I'll ever not have these feelings.
Funnily, until a month ago I had nothing except clothes, shoes and some minor household items. Now, I have far more. A bed, televisions, furniture and a townhouse. I have complicated my life more than I needed to.
I keep thinking about that abandoned house on the web. It has all its furniture and even a car in the garage. The theory is that the couple that once owned it died suddenly. And no one claimed it, after. It exists, trapped in its 1970s decor, slowly succumbing to the entropy that decays all things in time.
The arguments for and against permanence are strong, either way. I could die today or live for the next sixty years. So, I guess I am forever restless.
- Published on
Not sure I like it. Screwed. In the renovations process--drawn out and expensive.
Haven't gotten any writing done. I am existing not living. I am tired.
Been budgeting --stuff adults do, I guess.
Been dealing with things like utilities, mortgage and renovations.
Overwhelmed.
Where has all my free time gone?
Spam mail and all kinds of nonsense.
I am ready to go off the grid.
- Published on
Yes, that's a bird named Blanks sitting on my computer. And yes, he's real. #invasionofpersonalspace
- Published on
How To Be A Woman Tip #1
De-clutter.
I am a hoarder. I have known this for sometime. Perhaps it is the fact of growing up working class without much to own, I have developed a fascination with collecting things, including broken or damaged things. The mindset is that broken things can be amended, re-purposed.
I am the type who is fascinated by people who turn throw-away/basic everyday things into art. I get carried away by the guy who makes artwork out of gum, or the woman who re-purposes old clothes into blankets and shawls. In my head, I am this type. The goal is to turn these trinkets into art one day. I am still waiting for that one day that I know in my heart will never come.The end result is that I have "collections" of little trinkets, things the world would dismiss as garbage (specialty store paper/plastic bags, designer tags/ buttons that have fallen off clothes), piling, and need more and more storage boxes.
I am the woman who will keep an old, falling apart piece of clothes because I really like the color, or the design, or out of sentimentality, the reason I still have my old high school gym shorts. I keep bags with broken straps with the intent to sew the strap back on, someday.
Those some-days are not coming.
Increasingly I have a "hunt for the perfect ...." mentally. The perfect sweater, the perfect winter boots, the perfect handbag. I convince myself that once I find the "perfect" INSERT ITEM, then I'll stop looking or shopping. Each time I find the "perfect" Item, then some new item comes around that I think is more ideal. And so the saga continues.
I have spent the last few months in a transitional phase ... donating and/or throwing away items that I cannot wear, don't like, or that can't fit anymore. It hasn't been easy. I buy clothes and shoes not because I need them, but because I want them, and I don't throw things out because they might still fit, and because, growing up, my family amended clothes, not get new ones.
Now, my clothes are meant to represent the woman I want to present to the world--casually professional and sophisticated, part tomboy, with an embrace of feminine aesthetics.
Learning to de-clutter has been therapeutic. Part of my process includes questioning why I have/want things. Often, the answer is that the "item" makes me happy. The rule that's been toughest is the "blind dump."--Throwing things out without checking what it is first. If I throw something away and don't miss it, then it wasn't worth keeping. I have gone through my cupboards and thrown out unused mugs and glasses that have been there so long they've yellowed. I have gone into the bathroom cabinet and decide to either a) use up items that are unfinished (1/4 bottles of perfume, for example), or b) throw out expired or dried/caked up items--I had a few of these). It's been useful.
Tips
1. Check to see if you have an item before you buy it.
2. Use up all your partly finished liquids/fluids before you buy more
3. Donate (you'll feel good)
4. Ask yourself why you are keeping this? (need, sentimentally, or just because?)
5. Organize/Label things into types or kinds (it helps to keep track of what you own, and if you can SEE THE LABEL you are more likely to be reminded of what you have and therefore more likely to consult/use the thing). Sometimes items are lost in the clutter, and I forget I have this or that.
6. Don't buy bulk unless it's for frequently used items (e.g. tissue). Limit items to a certain number. e.g, Only buy 5 volumes of one item every month, e.g.
7. Throw out "goods" boxes, after a month. Chances are, if you haven't returned the item after a month, you won't do so ever. If you do need to return it after this time, you only need a receipt.
8. Do a seasonal purge (make this a habit--spring cleaning, etc.)
9. Take a picture rather than keep the "cute" designer label tag for no reason. A virtual "art collection" is just as effective as a physical one. Seriously, taking pictures of things I like, such as a "cute" button or bottle still allows me to create a collage out of that item rather than store those items in boxes at home and never get around to doing anything with them.
P.S. Scanning important documents work, too. Plenty of online storage. If you insist on keeping physical copies, then do so, but purge after three years (government--taxes)--keep things like contracts, mortgage papers, etc.
10. Fold laundry. sheets, etc. Folded clothes take up less space. Seriously.
De-clutter.
I am a hoarder. I have known this for sometime. Perhaps it is the fact of growing up working class without much to own, I have developed a fascination with collecting things, including broken or damaged things. The mindset is that broken things can be amended, re-purposed.
I am the type who is fascinated by people who turn throw-away/basic everyday things into art. I get carried away by the guy who makes artwork out of gum, or the woman who re-purposes old clothes into blankets and shawls. In my head, I am this type. The goal is to turn these trinkets into art one day. I am still waiting for that one day that I know in my heart will never come.The end result is that I have "collections" of little trinkets, things the world would dismiss as garbage (specialty store paper/plastic bags, designer tags/ buttons that have fallen off clothes), piling, and need more and more storage boxes.
I am the woman who will keep an old, falling apart piece of clothes because I really like the color, or the design, or out of sentimentality, the reason I still have my old high school gym shorts. I keep bags with broken straps with the intent to sew the strap back on, someday.
Those some-days are not coming.
Increasingly I have a "hunt for the perfect ...." mentally. The perfect sweater, the perfect winter boots, the perfect handbag. I convince myself that once I find the "perfect" INSERT ITEM, then I'll stop looking or shopping. Each time I find the "perfect" Item, then some new item comes around that I think is more ideal. And so the saga continues.
I have spent the last few months in a transitional phase ... donating and/or throwing away items that I cannot wear, don't like, or that can't fit anymore. It hasn't been easy. I buy clothes and shoes not because I need them, but because I want them, and I don't throw things out because they might still fit, and because, growing up, my family amended clothes, not get new ones.
Now, my clothes are meant to represent the woman I want to present to the world--casually professional and sophisticated, part tomboy, with an embrace of feminine aesthetics.
Learning to de-clutter has been therapeutic. Part of my process includes questioning why I have/want things. Often, the answer is that the "item" makes me happy. The rule that's been toughest is the "blind dump."--Throwing things out without checking what it is first. If I throw something away and don't miss it, then it wasn't worth keeping. I have gone through my cupboards and thrown out unused mugs and glasses that have been there so long they've yellowed. I have gone into the bathroom cabinet and decide to either a) use up items that are unfinished (1/4 bottles of perfume, for example), or b) throw out expired or dried/caked up items--I had a few of these). It's been useful.
Tips
1. Check to see if you have an item before you buy it.
2. Use up all your partly finished liquids/fluids before you buy more
3. Donate (you'll feel good)
4. Ask yourself why you are keeping this? (need, sentimentally, or just because?)
5. Organize/Label things into types or kinds (it helps to keep track of what you own, and if you can SEE THE LABEL you are more likely to be reminded of what you have and therefore more likely to consult/use the thing). Sometimes items are lost in the clutter, and I forget I have this or that.
6. Don't buy bulk unless it's for frequently used items (e.g. tissue). Limit items to a certain number. e.g, Only buy 5 volumes of one item every month, e.g.
7. Throw out "goods" boxes, after a month. Chances are, if you haven't returned the item after a month, you won't do so ever. If you do need to return it after this time, you only need a receipt.
8. Do a seasonal purge (make this a habit--spring cleaning, etc.)
9. Take a picture rather than keep the "cute" designer label tag for no reason. A virtual "art collection" is just as effective as a physical one. Seriously, taking pictures of things I like, such as a "cute" button or bottle still allows me to create a collage out of that item rather than store those items in boxes at home and never get around to doing anything with them.
P.S. Scanning important documents work, too. Plenty of online storage. If you insist on keeping physical copies, then do so, but purge after three years (government--taxes)--keep things like contracts, mortgage papers, etc.
10. Fold laundry. sheets, etc. Folded clothes take up less space. Seriously.