If you knew.

Maybe you do.

If so, you should know. 

Like I know. 

I sleep and wake up.

It's churning my gut and setting the course for my day.

​I am so afraid to speak of it.

 I like it and I hate it.
 
And it hurts; in so many ways, it hurts.
​
I want you to feel like I feel.

Deal and squeal and reel in the same way,

Pound and yearn and ruin your day.

And still when you sleep,
​
Wake up to know it might always be this way.

I sleep on it. I wake up and think on it.  Consider it. Fodder it. Entertain it. Sustain it.  Dismiss it. Then I sleep on it. Dream on it. Inspired by it, I wake up. And I linger on it, tinker it, cuddle it, and nurture it ... my heart's full of it.

And the days drift, and I lose it. Then I regain it, pulled from a coil of a dream of it. Then I desire it. I repeat it. And I recycle it. and praise it. And I go on to shape it, imagine it, but never fully grasping it.

I owe it, a birth into existence; hence the persistence. I'll never grow it, and I know it, but ​ I put all my hopes on it ... until the day I die.

Come along this way
To the other side of sanity,
An escape from mundanity
The winds of calamity,
Opening wardrobes,
And triggering episodes
That will get me committed
Admitted,
Off to lands of ecstasy
My very own dark fantasy
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